Отправлено: 23.01.10 06:56. Заголовок: КОНКУРС "САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА"

Уважаемые участники предметной недели!

Приглашаем вас принять участие в конкурсе на самую иностранную шутку.

Сроки проведения: 24-26 января

Ведущий конкурса: Плотникова Наталья Ивановна, сотрудник кафедры иностранных языков ЦДО "Эйдос"

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Son and Dad are goin..

Son and Dad are going to catch fish.
Dad: Have you taken bread?
Son: I have already eaten it.
Dad: Well, then eat worms and go home!
Соктоев Тимур ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: The following was ha..

The following was handed to a teacher by a child returning after an absence:

"Dear Teacher,

Please can you fill in the sick note for my child

My daughter was not at school on.............

This was because (please ask my daughter and delete as appropriate)

a) she had a sore throat
b) she was sick
c) she had diarrhea
d) she had toothache
e) she went to the doctors
f) other reason
Yours sincerely,

Mrs. X."
Канаткалиев Эрдыни ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Teacher: Where's..

Teacher: Where's the Dead Sea?
Child: I didn't even know it was sick.
Пахомова Вероника ученица 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Son asks his mother:..

Son asks his mother:
-Mummy, what is sclerosis?
-What have you asked? – says Mom
-When?
Макодин Илья ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Parent: 'do you ..

Parent: 'do you teach driving?'

Teacher: 'No, I don't.'

Parent: 'Well what's all this about 'motor skills' then?
Серая Саша ученица 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Crocodile Gena and C..

Crocodile Gena and Cheburashka came into the yacht club. And they saw an announcement: “Cheburashkas are categorically forbidden to participate in sailing regatta”.
Богун Александр ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Free of charge chees..

Free of charge cheese in the mousetrap is taken out only by the second mouse.
Попкова Оля ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Children throw a coi..

Children throw a coin
-If a tail of a coin falls out, we shall do to the cinema.
-If a head of a coin falls out, we shal go to the theatre.
-Well, if the rim of a coin falls out, we shall go to school...
Клюева Екатерина ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: At the History lesso..

At the History lesson
The teacher of Russian language says to Petrov:
"I put you a "two" for your telling to Sidorov the answer".
"And I tell the answer to Sveta".
"Then I put you a "four".
Коновал Катя ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: A pupil finished the..

A pupil finished the liceum, came home, threw away the school bag and says:"I am sick and tired to stidy, I won't go to school". The father took his belt and crys while beating his son:"Do you think it's easy to wear a tie?"
Бобровский Глеб ученик 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: The teacher asks at ..

The teacher asks at the biology lesson:
-Why a chicken c\omes out from egg?
-Because he is afraid they will cook from him a fried egg
Юля Суп ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: A fork falls down fr..

A fork falls down from the table and the father catches it just over the floor and hear the son runs and crys:" Dad aunt Clara is locked in the lift!"
Игорь Сафонов ученик 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 09:44. Заголовок: A man is going for ..

A man is going for a walk with a boot on his head. A policeman is stopped him:
- Why are you with the boot on the head, sir?
- I'm always go for a walk with boot on the head on Wednesday!
- Good, but today is Thursday!
- Oh, then I look like a fool!

American tourist is walking with guide around London.
- All you have here is a small, compressed, - he said. - This building, for example,
would have been in America ten times higher.
- Oh, yes, sir! This is a psychiatric clinic.

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:17. Заголовок: Чулкова Анфиса Your ..

Чулкова Анфиса Your joke good

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 12:26. Заголовок: Vita, thank u very m..

Vita, thank u very much ^^ your jokes are very good too

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 10:28. Заголовок: Громова Настя

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

Leper Hockey

Why did the referees stop the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.

Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle thr

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:10. Заголовок: Мазальков Николай, АСОШ №2

-You are now?
-Excuse me! What you said?
-You are now?
-Excuse me, I why don't! I'm listening to,, Michael Jackson,,!
-Will you go with me to speak on the phone?
-What you said?
-Good grief!

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:29. Заголовок: Семёнов Максим

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now…"

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:42. Заголовок: рузова мария

Hans herkam nach Haus erfreulicher nach Schule. Junge besprach Vater: "vater, ich eins in Schule antwortete auf Frage des Lehrers"!vater abfragte: "Und welch aber Frage aufgab Lehrerin"? Hans: "Wer zerschmetterte Fenster in Klasse"?

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:49. Заголовок: рузова маша

Absent-minded uncle
my uncle very much absent-minded man. Once he came home from work early, knew that he wanted что- that to do, but could not remember that. So he sat this side of midnight, trying to remember. and nevertheless He remembered.. wanted to
lie down to sleep a bit early!

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:59. Заголовок: THE PROUD FATHER A y..

THE PROUD FATHER
A young father was very proud of his little son. He was telling a visitor how the little boy, not two years old, knew the different animals in his picture book. He is going to be a great scientist! Here, let me show you. And the proud father took a book about animals from the book-shelf, placed Bobby on a chair, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe.
«What is that, Bobby?»
«Horsey», said Bobby.
Next he showed the little boy a tiger and Bobby said, «Pussy. »
Then the father showed him a picture of lion and Bobby said, «Doggy.»
But when the little boy saw the picture of a big monkey, he cried happily, «Daddy.»

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 12:27. Заголовок: :sm54: ..

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 12:53. Заголовок: It is my favorite jo..

It is my favorite joke...^-^
C u s t o m e r.-"I hear my son has owed you for a suit for three years."
T a i 1 o r.-"Yes, sir. Have you called to settle the account?"
C u s t o m e r.-"No, I'd like a suit myself on the same terms."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:01. Заголовок: :sm67: http://s002..

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:13. Заголовок: Ksyusha, you're ..

Ksyusha, you're the best!
Pictures-super!

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 11:15. Заголовок: Анчишкина =***....I ..

Анчишкина =***....And I love you too...^-^

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:21. Заголовок: Keisi Very very fine..

Keisi Very very fine

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 11:16. Заголовок: Vita Thanks...^-^..

Vita Thanks...^-^

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:03. Заголовок: Jokes

Мусалиомова Наиля, 7 класс, гимназия №1 имени Ризы фахретдина

Letter from the child sport camp:
Dear parents,
I live well. Yesterday we had a competition in boxing. Toothbrush, toothpaste and other unnecessary items are being sent home.

Coid: It's true that carrots are good for vision, isn't it?
Fred: Well, I've never seen a rabbit wearing glasses.

Keep fit and healthy

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:40. Заголовок: Jokes

Галимов Данир, 7 класс, гимназия №1 имени Ризы Фахретдина

The world's best Scottish joker.

A little Scottish boy burst into the house and said to the father, "Daddy, Daddy, I ran home behind the bus and saved ten pence."
His father replied, "You could have done better son. You could have run home behind the taxi and saved fifty."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:46. Заголовок: Анчишкина,Александра,Многопрофильный лицей ЗабГГПУ,Чита.

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
This anecdote I learned from one another. I laughed for a long time!
I am not the author of this joke, but to me it seemed ridiculous, and I decided to write it! )))

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:49. Заголовок: Анчишкина,Александра,Многопрофильный лицей ЗабГГПУ,Чита.

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
What do I do?

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:51. Заголовок: Jokes

Мусалимова Наиля, 7 класс, гимназия № 1 имени Ризы Фахретдина

The first price.

A London magazine once organized a competition to discover the most loved painting in the Tate Gallery. Contestants were asked to answer the following question: If the Tate galery were in fire and you were allowed to save painting which one would it be?
First prize went to Scotsman, who answered, "The one nearest the door."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:02. Заголовок: Bill Gates picks his..

Bill Gates picks his own punishment

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:59. Заголовок: Stasya ahah!! :sm38:..

Stasya ahah!! cool joike

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:10. Заголовок: Hi all... Vita very ..

Hi all...
Vita very nice joke
Mango Mango very nice Nickname, and now my joke)
Say Partner
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:19. Заголовок: lamaq1 Your joke is ..

lamaq1 Your joke is very good


---------------------------
Переводи прямо с мобильного:
http://m.translate.ru

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 14:30. Заголовок: like this))lol ..

like this))lol

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:12. Заголовок: All Joke very cool) ..

All Joke very cool)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:45. Заголовок: Very funny jokes! :..

Very funny jokes!