Отправлено: 23.01.10 06:56. Заголовок: КОНКУРС "САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА"

Уважаемые участники предметной недели!

Приглашаем вас принять участие в конкурсе на самую иностранную шутку.

Сроки проведения: 24-26 января

Ведущий конкурса: Плотникова Наталья Ивановна, сотрудник кафедры иностранных языков ЦДО "Эйдос"

 Отправлено: 25.10.10 22:37. Заголовок: One radio station wa..

One radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence.
DJ: "xxFM here, whats your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Dave."
DJ: "Hi, Dave, what's your word?"
Caller: "Goan.. spelt G-O-A-N"
DJ: "mmm... You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. What setence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Goan rot in hell!"
The DJ cuts the caller off and runs the advertisement. The next call goes:
DJ: "xxFM, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."
DJ: "Hi, Jeff, what's your word?"
Caller: "Smee... spelt S-M-E-E"
DJ: "...You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Smee again! Goan rot in hell!"

 Отправлено: 23.01.10 22:45. Заголовок: “The Most (Funny) Foreign Joke”

“The Most (Funny) Foreign Joke”. A humoristic contest for the funniest anecdote, humoristic story, for pupils, teachers and local coordinators.

Dear participants of the contest!

Look around! How many funny situations there are in our life! Humour accompanies our life, makes it more bright and expressive. There is children humour, school humor, English humour, the humour of situations and characters, puns etc.


Tommy: Will you punish a boy for a thing that he did not do?
Teacher: No, Tommy, I shall not punish a boy for a thing he did not do. Why do you ask?
Tommy: I ask because I did not do my homework.

Tell us in English (French, German) the funniest, in your opinion joke (a short humoristic story). Make the world smile!

Speak out at the forum, which of the other participants’ jokes you liked most of all and why.


«Самая смешная иностранная шутка». Юмористический конкурс на самый смешной анекдот, юмористический рассказ для учащихся, педагогов и локальных координаторов».


Уважаемые участники конкурса!


Оглянитесь вокруг! Сколько в нашей жизни бывает юмористических ситуаций! Юмор сопровождает нашу жизнь, делает её яркой и запоминающейся. Юмор бывает детский, школьный, английский, юмор положений и характеров, юмор, основанный на игре слов и т.д….

Томми: Накажете ли Вы мальчика за то, что он не сделал?
Учитель: Нет. Томми. Я не буду наказывать мальчика за то, что он не сделал. Почему ты спрашиваешь?
Томми: Я спрашиваю, потому что не сделал домашнюю работу.

Расскажите самую смешную, на ваш взгляд, шутку (короткий юмористический рассказ) на английском (французском, немецком) языке. Заставьте мир улыбнуться!

Выскажитесь в форуме, какие шутки других участников вам понравились более всего и почему.

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 14:42. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

цитата:

From the oatmeal, sir ...

It's a real English humour! Lovely!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 05:57. Заголовок: Hello everybody!!!In..

Hello everybody!!!In my opinion, humor is the main components of an ace in our lives! If a person is in a bad mood, it certainly can cheer up some joke and it's great! And now I want to offer you the anecdote!
In English restaurant:
-What do you have for breakfast?
-Oatmeal, sir.
A for lunch?
-Oatmeal, sir.
A dinner?
-Oatmeal, sir.
A tomorrow for breakfast??
-Pudding, sir.
-Yeeeeees!!!
--From the oatmeal, sir ...

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 21:35. Заголовок: The joke is funny! I..

The joke is funny! I think it's traditional English joke))

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 08:49. Заголовок: Hello everyone! I wa..

Hello everyone! I want to tell you the English anecdote!

Two friends met in the street after not having seen each other for some time. On of them was using crutches.
"Hello!" said the other man. "What`s the matter with you?"
"Car accident," said the man on crutches.
"When did it happen?"
"Oh, about six weeks ago".
"And you still have to do with crutches?"
"Well, my doctor says I should do without them and my lawyer says I can`t".

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 14:45. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

Maria Chernizova пишет:

цитата:

"Well, my doctor says I should do without them and my lawyer says I can`t".

Oh, those cunny lawyers!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 19:12. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

цитата:

The patient has come to the doctor - (oculist)

Dear Vita,

Francly speaking, I could only understand the second joke. There is some wisdom in it. One should not overestimate his abilities. Am I right?

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 17:54. Заголовок: Hello participants a..

Hello participants and teachers! It is my joke, I have decided to write a little on different vital themes


The son asks the father, about the past as he has achieved such high post? Also has simultaneously opened the footwear shop? And here conversation comes about school...
- (Son) - Daddy and you went to school?
- (Father) - Yes, the sonny studied!
- (Son) - And you sometime received bad estimations at school?
- (Father) - Well was probably,
- (Son) - Very bad received?
- (Father) - Yes was probably too, I any more do not remember.
- (Son) - Daddy and you sometime wanted that I was similar to you in general?
- (Father) - Yes it is final, you and so it is similar to me look eyes identical!!
- (Son) you will not abuse me for that that I am similar to you?
- (Father) - Hа hа is not present after all I your daddy and you my son, we should be similar.
- (Son) - The truth you will not be?
- (Father) - The truth!
- (Son) - Well then descend today in school you my teacher.... more precisely teachers in school cause!!!!!


The patient has come to the doctor - (oculist)
- What you disturbs?
- Some days are ill me an eye..
The doctor before examining eyes has asked:
- You already to somebody addressed to me?
- Yes, in a drugstore
- I will present what nonsense to you there have advised
- You so think?
About surprise the patient has asked:
- Well it is final, they always silly advise something
- To me there have advised will address to you....

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 17:56. Заголовок: Maria Chernizova , i..

Maria Chernizova , its good Joke)))

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 19:21. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

цитата:

I have wrote I have gone a hundred times, and now I have went."

Dear Aigul Mizkhatovna,

This joke reflects the problems of teaching, when the task given to the pupil, is not perceived by that person. So the lesson is useless, eventually. The joke is really a fun!

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:54. Заголовок: Thank you, Vita. I l..

Thank you, Vita. I liked your jokes too. It's cool.

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 18:12. Заголовок: Hello everyone! :sm4..

Hello everyone!

It's my favourite English joke!


A small schoolboy often wrote: "I have went", instead "I have gone". At last his teacher said:
"You must stay after school this afternoon and write "I have gone" a hundred times. Then you will remember it."
When the teacher came back he found a letter from the boy on his desk. It said:
"Dear Sir
I have wrote I have gone a hundred times, and now I have went."

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:58. Заголовок: Хамидулина А.К., wha..

Хамидулина А.К., what a clever boy

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 21:34. Заголовок: Ooo! Yes! :sm36: Bo..

Ooo! Yes! Boy is really clever, but teacher isn't creative. His task is so usual!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 18:12. Заголовок: Hello everyone! :sm4..

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 18:12. Заголовок: Hello everyone! :sm4..

Hello everyone!

It's my favourite English joke!


A small schoolboy often wrote: "I have went", instead "I have gone". At last his teacher said:
"You must stay after school this afternoon and write "I have gone" a hundred times. Then you will remember it."
When the teacher came back he found a letter from the boy on his desk. It said:
"Dear Sir
I have wrote I have gone a hundred times, and now I have went."

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 19:11. Заголовок: It's my favourit..

It's my favourite one too! A good school joke!!!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 21:58. Заголовок: Thank you very much)..

Thank you very much) I'm glad you like my joke.

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 22:24. Заголовок: "It's sure t..

"It's sure to rain this afternoon,"said the weatherman to his secretary.
"What makes you think so?" asked the secretary looking at the blue sky.
"It doesn't look like rain,does it?"
"Never mind the sky," replied the weatherman."I've a date for golf,I've lost my umbrella,my kids are going on a picnic, and my wife is giving a garden party."
***
"Really," Mr.Horton said to his typist,"I don't think you have the slightest idea what punctuation means."
"Oh, indeed,I have," she replied,"I'm here every morning at five minutes to nine."

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 04:42. Заголовок: Your jokes are reall..

Your jokes are really English ones! The first reflects the constant topic of English people's conversations - the weather. And the second one is a hun based on the meaning of the word "punctuation".

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 08:34. Заголовок: Thank you very much...

Thank you very much.I'm glad that you appreciated these jokes.

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 11:10. Заголовок: Two blondes are sitt..

Two blondes are sitting in the kitchen.
One says "I want to show you the trick?"
"Of course!"
The first blonde turned off the light in the kitchen and says "there is no light. Where is he?"
"I do not know ..." said the second blonde.
first went to the refrigerator, opened it and said, "There he is!"

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:45. Заголовок: I do not like jokes ..

I do not like jokes about blondes. But this funny.

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:48. Заголовок: Sandy began a job as..

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 14:52. Заголовок: When I studied at se..

When I studied at second grade we had English teacher. She name is Marina Aleksandrovna. Marina Aleksandrovna taught us a few months but then she ill.

In next lesson English Language us visited another teacher. She asked my classmate Peter: «please tell me what is your name and how old are you?» But Peter was bad student and he answered in Russian language: «Sorry but I do not know this». =)))

We are laughed and new teacher laughed too =))

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 16:03. Заголовок: Hello! ^^ I'm Ma..

Hello! ^^ I'm Maree
i want to offer two jokes:

"- John, disgusting boy, - scolds mother, returning from a telephone on a kitchen. - I asked to look after milk !

- I and watched, - John answers offendedly. - it is escaped exactly at 15 o'clock 13 minutes."

"Servant go in english lord's room:
- Sir, I'm sorry for anxiety, but thief penetrate in castle
Lord, don't change a pose:
- Excellently, Hanry. Prepare, please, my hunting gun and hunting costume...I think, checked"

Good luck, my friends

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 17:05. Заголовок: Marusya :) It fine..

Marusya :) It fine is pleasant to me)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:42. Заголовок: Vita thanks :sm36: ..

Vita thanks you are friendly

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 17:00. Заголовок: Yes, probably, then ..

Yes, probably, then only one joke
And here which I have thought up one more joke today on vital ситуацыях:
When all family have sat down to have supper, the daddy has looked at Vitju:

— Something you today suspiciously silent. Really has again received on Russian three?

— No, not three, — with a smile Vitja has answered. — I have received two on Russian!.

The daddy has choked, and mum nearly has not dropped a teapot.

— He still smiles! — the daddy and mum have cried chorus.

— And that? I am not guilty! It carps! I have only made two errors... In one offer...

— First, not it, and the teacher! — mum has told. — and secondly, looking what errors!

Mum has seized for heart.

— Wait, wait, — the daddy, — what is the date today has told? On first of April? Now it is clear, why you so artfully smile! You have decided us to play? You it have invented all?

— Aha, — Vitja has nodded. — I have joked. Me on Russian also did not ask! With April, first!

— Well and jokes! — mum has become angry. — I because of you hardly have not broken a teapot!

Vitja has drunk up tea and left because of a table. "Thank God, — he has thought, — that the daddy has asked nothing about mathematics! After all I just on the mathematician have received the two!"
hа hа hа))

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:55. Заголовок: Vita it's cool :..

Vita it's cool

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:15. Заголовок: Marusya :) thanks y..

Marusya :) thanks you ))

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 18:14. Заголовок: Рыбянченко Тимур Робертович Батайск 7 гимназия 6"Б" класс

Opa: Na, Hänschen! Kennst du schon das ABC?
Hänschen: Aber natürlich, Opa!
Opa: Sag mal, welcher Buchstabe kommt nach A?
Hänschen: Alle anderen!

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 20:28. Заголовок: Hello!) I want to te..

Hello!)
I want to tell you some English jokes

***
American: Why have you never visited the United States?
German: I know only a few sentences in English.
American: What are they?
German: How do you do? I love you. Forgive me. Ham and egg, please.
American: Why, with that vocabulary you could tour my country from Maine to California

***
Mother: Get up, you lazy boy. See, the sun is up and you are still in bed.
Boy: Yes, but the sun goes to bed at six o'clock, and I go to bed at nine

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 21:11. Заголовок: Габбасова Элина, МОУ Гимназия №3,11 класс, город Инта

Many people have been so scared by reading about the harmful effects of smoking that they decided to give up reading.

**********************************
One day the office boy enterd the manager's study,looking very sad.He reported the death of one more uncle and,of course, asked for the day off.The manager had his suspicions,but he was a kind man, so he allowed the boy to leave.
In the afternoon the manager went to the Cup Semifinal.And whom should he see there but Jimmie, the office boy.
"So this is your uncle's funeral,eh,Jimmie?" he asked.
"Looks like it," the boy replied sadly. "He's the referee."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: -Sir! You have dropp..

-Sir! You have dropped this… Dynamite...
-Oh, thank you.
-What do you have there else?
-Dynamite, nitroglycerin, glycerin, bombs, alarms, detonators and splices. Like this (shows one). To be short, that’s all little stationaries

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Anecdote

-Sir! You have dropped this… Dynamite...
-Oh, thank you.
-What do you have there else?
-Dynamite, nitroglycerin, glycerin, bombs, alarms, detonators and splices. Like this (shows one). To be short, that’s all little stationaries

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: -Sir! You have dropp..

-Sir! You have dropped this… Dynamite...
-Oh, thank you.
-What do you have there else?
-Dynamite, nitroglycerin, glycerin, bombs, alarms, detonators and splices. Like this (shows one). To be short, that’s all little stationaries
Айан Колодезников ученик 8 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия):))))

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Paul: I think my tea..

Paul: I think my teacher loves me!
Tim: Why?
Paul: Because she put kisses all over my homework!
Кисорец Женя ученицы 7 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: One dog comes up to ..

One dog comes up to another dog and says:
-Wow!
-Mew!
-Are you in your senses?
-Yes! I am learning foreign languages!
Мынка Анна ученица 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)