Отправлено: 23.01.10 06:56. Заголовок: КОНКУРС "САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА"

Уважаемые участники предметной недели!

Приглашаем вас принять участие в конкурсе на самую иностранную шутку.

Сроки проведения: 24-26 января

Ведущий конкурса: Плотникова Наталья Ивановна, сотрудник кафедры иностранных языков ЦДО "Эйдос"

 Отправлено: 25.10.10 22:37. Заголовок: One radio station wa..

One radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence.
DJ: "xxFM here, whats your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Dave."
DJ: "Hi, Dave, what's your word?"
Caller: "Goan.. spelt G-O-A-N"
DJ: "mmm... You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. What setence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Goan rot in hell!"
The DJ cuts the caller off and runs the advertisement. The next call goes:
DJ: "xxFM, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."
DJ: "Hi, Jeff, what's your word?"
Caller: "Smee... spelt S-M-E-E"
DJ: "...You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Smee again! Goan rot in hell!"

 Отправлено: 23.01.10 22:45. Заголовок: “The Most (Funny) Foreign Joke”

“The Most (Funny) Foreign Joke”. A humoristic contest for the funniest anecdote, humoristic story, for pupils, teachers and local coordinators.

Dear participants of the contest!

Look around! How many funny situations there are in our life! Humour accompanies our life, makes it more bright and expressive. There is children humour, school humor, English humour, the humour of situations and characters, puns etc.


Tommy: Will you punish a boy for a thing that he did not do?
Teacher: No, Tommy, I shall not punish a boy for a thing he did not do. Why do you ask?
Tommy: I ask because I did not do my homework.

Tell us in English (French, German) the funniest, in your opinion joke (a short humoristic story). Make the world smile!

Speak out at the forum, which of the other participants’ jokes you liked most of all and why.


«Самая смешная иностранная шутка». Юмористический конкурс на самый смешной анекдот, юмористический рассказ для учащихся, педагогов и локальных координаторов».


Уважаемые участники конкурса!


Оглянитесь вокруг! Сколько в нашей жизни бывает юмористических ситуаций! Юмор сопровождает нашу жизнь, делает её яркой и запоминающейся. Юмор бывает детский, школьный, английский, юмор положений и характеров, юмор, основанный на игре слов и т.д….

Томми: Накажете ли Вы мальчика за то, что он не сделал?
Учитель: Нет. Томми. Я не буду наказывать мальчика за то, что он не сделал. Почему ты спрашиваешь?
Томми: Я спрашиваю, потому что не сделал домашнюю работу.

Расскажите самую смешную, на ваш взгляд, шутку (короткий юмористический рассказ) на английском (французском, немецком) языке. Заставьте мир улыбнуться!

Выскажитесь в форуме, какие шутки других участников вам понравились более всего и почему.

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 14:42. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

цитата:

From the oatmeal, sir ...

It's a real English humour! Lovely!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 05:57. Заголовок: Hello everybody!!!In..

Hello everybody!!!In my opinion, humor is the main components of an ace in our lives! If a person is in a bad mood, it certainly can cheer up some joke and it's great! And now I want to offer you the anecdote!
In English restaurant:
-What do you have for breakfast?
-Oatmeal, sir.
A for lunch?
-Oatmeal, sir.
A dinner?
-Oatmeal, sir.
A tomorrow for breakfast??
-Pudding, sir.
-Yeeeeees!!!
--From the oatmeal, sir ...

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 21:35. Заголовок: The joke is funny! I..

The joke is funny! I think it's traditional English joke))

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 08:49. Заголовок: Hello everyone! I wa..

Hello everyone! I want to tell you the English anecdote!

Two friends met in the street after not having seen each other for some time. On of them was using crutches.
"Hello!" said the other man. "What`s the matter with you?"
"Car accident," said the man on crutches.
"When did it happen?"
"Oh, about six weeks ago".
"And you still have to do with crutches?"
"Well, my doctor says I should do without them and my lawyer says I can`t".

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 14:45. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

Maria Chernizova пишет:

цитата:

"Well, my doctor says I should do without them and my lawyer says I can`t".

Oh, those cunny lawyers!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 19:12. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

цитата:

The patient has come to the doctor - (oculist)

Dear Vita,

Francly speaking, I could only understand the second joke. There is some wisdom in it. One should not overestimate his abilities. Am I right?

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 17:54. Заголовок: Hello participants a..

Hello participants and teachers! It is my joke, I have decided to write a little on different vital themes


The son asks the father, about the past as he has achieved such high post? Also has simultaneously opened the footwear shop? And here conversation comes about school...
- (Son) - Daddy and you went to school?
- (Father) - Yes, the sonny studied!
- (Son) - And you sometime received bad estimations at school?
- (Father) - Well was probably,
- (Son) - Very bad received?
- (Father) - Yes was probably too, I any more do not remember.
- (Son) - Daddy and you sometime wanted that I was similar to you in general?
- (Father) - Yes it is final, you and so it is similar to me look eyes identical!!
- (Son) you will not abuse me for that that I am similar to you?
- (Father) - Hа hа is not present after all I your daddy and you my son, we should be similar.
- (Son) - The truth you will not be?
- (Father) - The truth!
- (Son) - Well then descend today in school you my teacher.... more precisely teachers in school cause!!!!!


The patient has come to the doctor - (oculist)
- What you disturbs?
- Some days are ill me an eye..
The doctor before examining eyes has asked:
- You already to somebody addressed to me?
- Yes, in a drugstore
- I will present what nonsense to you there have advised
- You so think?
About surprise the patient has asked:
- Well it is final, they always silly advise something
- To me there have advised will address to you....

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 17:56. Заголовок: Maria Chernizova , i..

Maria Chernizova , its good Joke)))

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 19:21. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

цитата:

I have wrote I have gone a hundred times, and now I have went."

Dear Aigul Mizkhatovna,

This joke reflects the problems of teaching, when the task given to the pupil, is not perceived by that person. So the lesson is useless, eventually. The joke is really a fun!

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:54. Заголовок: Thank you, Vita. I l..

Thank you, Vita. I liked your jokes too. It's cool.

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 18:12. Заголовок: Hello everyone! :sm4..

Hello everyone!

It's my favourite English joke!


A small schoolboy often wrote: "I have went", instead "I have gone". At last his teacher said:
"You must stay after school this afternoon and write "I have gone" a hundred times. Then you will remember it."
When the teacher came back he found a letter from the boy on his desk. It said:
"Dear Sir
I have wrote I have gone a hundred times, and now I have went."

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:58. Заголовок: Хамидулина А.К., wha..

Хамидулина А.К., what a clever boy

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 21:34. Заголовок: Ooo! Yes! :sm36: Bo..

Ooo! Yes! Boy is really clever, but teacher isn't creative. His task is so usual!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 18:12. Заголовок: Hello everyone! :sm4..

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 18:12. Заголовок: Hello everyone! :sm4..

Hello everyone!

It's my favourite English joke!


A small schoolboy often wrote: "I have went", instead "I have gone". At last his teacher said:
"You must stay after school this afternoon and write "I have gone" a hundred times. Then you will remember it."
When the teacher came back he found a letter from the boy on his desk. It said:
"Dear Sir
I have wrote I have gone a hundred times, and now I have went."

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 19:11. Заголовок: It's my favourit..

It's my favourite one too! A good school joke!!!

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 21:58. Заголовок: Thank you very much)..

Thank you very much) I'm glad you like my joke.

 Отправлено: 24.01.10 22:24. Заголовок: "It's sure t..

"It's sure to rain this afternoon,"said the weatherman to his secretary.
"What makes you think so?" asked the secretary looking at the blue sky.
"It doesn't look like rain,does it?"
"Never mind the sky," replied the weatherman."I've a date for golf,I've lost my umbrella,my kids are going on a picnic, and my wife is giving a garden party."
***
"Really," Mr.Horton said to his typist,"I don't think you have the slightest idea what punctuation means."
"Oh, indeed,I have," she replied,"I'm here every morning at five minutes to nine."

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 04:42. Заголовок: Your jokes are reall..

Your jokes are really English ones! The first reflects the constant topic of English people's conversations - the weather. And the second one is a hun based on the meaning of the word "punctuation".

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 08:34. Заголовок: Thank you very much...

Thank you very much.I'm glad that you appreciated these jokes.

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 11:10. Заголовок: Two blondes are sitt..

Two blondes are sitting in the kitchen.
One says "I want to show you the trick?"
"Of course!"
The first blonde turned off the light in the kitchen and says "there is no light. Where is he?"
"I do not know ..." said the second blonde.
first went to the refrigerator, opened it and said, "There he is!"

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:45. Заголовок: I do not like jokes ..

I do not like jokes about blondes. But this funny.

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 12:48. Заголовок: Sandy began a job as..

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 14:52. Заголовок: When I studied at se..

When I studied at second grade we had English teacher. She name is Marina Aleksandrovna. Marina Aleksandrovna taught us a few months but then she ill.

In next lesson English Language us visited another teacher. She asked my classmate Peter: «please tell me what is your name and how old are you?» But Peter was bad student and he answered in Russian language: «Sorry but I do not know this». =)))

We are laughed and new teacher laughed too =))

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 16:03. Заголовок: Hello! ^^ I'm Ma..

Hello! ^^ I'm Maree
i want to offer two jokes:

"- John, disgusting boy, - scolds mother, returning from a telephone on a kitchen. - I asked to look after milk !

- I and watched, - John answers offendedly. - it is escaped exactly at 15 o'clock 13 minutes."

"Servant go in english lord's room:
- Sir, I'm sorry for anxiety, but thief penetrate in castle
Lord, don't change a pose:
- Excellently, Hanry. Prepare, please, my hunting gun and hunting costume...I think, checked"

Good luck, my friends

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 17:05. Заголовок: Marusya :) It fine..

Marusya :) It fine is pleasant to me)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:42. Заголовок: Vita thanks :sm36: ..

Vita thanks you are friendly

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 17:00. Заголовок: Yes, probably, then ..

Yes, probably, then only one joke
And here which I have thought up one more joke today on vital ситуацыях:
When all family have sat down to have supper, the daddy has looked at Vitju:

— Something you today suspiciously silent. Really has again received on Russian three?

— No, not three, — with a smile Vitja has answered. — I have received two on Russian!.

The daddy has choked, and mum nearly has not dropped a teapot.

— He still smiles! — the daddy and mum have cried chorus.

— And that? I am not guilty! It carps! I have only made two errors... In one offer...

— First, not it, and the teacher! — mum has told. — and secondly, looking what errors!

Mum has seized for heart.

— Wait, wait, — the daddy, — what is the date today has told? On first of April? Now it is clear, why you so artfully smile! You have decided us to play? You it have invented all?

— Aha, — Vitja has nodded. — I have joked. Me on Russian also did not ask! With April, first!

— Well and jokes! — mum has become angry. — I because of you hardly have not broken a teapot!

Vitja has drunk up tea and left because of a table. "Thank God, — he has thought, — that the daddy has asked nothing about mathematics! After all I just on the mathematician have received the two!"
hа hа hа))

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:55. Заголовок: Vita it's cool :..

Vita it's cool

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:15. Заголовок: Marusya :) thanks y..

Marusya :) thanks you ))

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 18:14. Заголовок: Рыбянченко Тимур Робертович Батайск 7 гимназия 6"Б" класс

Opa: Na, Hänschen! Kennst du schon das ABC?
Hänschen: Aber natürlich, Opa!
Opa: Sag mal, welcher Buchstabe kommt nach A?
Hänschen: Alle anderen!

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 20:28. Заголовок: Hello!) I want to te..

Hello!)
I want to tell you some English jokes

***
American: Why have you never visited the United States?
German: I know only a few sentences in English.
American: What are they?
German: How do you do? I love you. Forgive me. Ham and egg, please.
American: Why, with that vocabulary you could tour my country from Maine to California

***
Mother: Get up, you lazy boy. See, the sun is up and you are still in bed.
Boy: Yes, but the sun goes to bed at six o'clock, and I go to bed at nine

 Отправлено: 25.01.10 21:11. Заголовок: Габбасова Элина, МОУ Гимназия №3,11 класс, город Инта

Many people have been so scared by reading about the harmful effects of smoking that they decided to give up reading.

**********************************
One day the office boy enterd the manager's study,looking very sad.He reported the death of one more uncle and,of course, asked for the day off.The manager had his suspicions,but he was a kind man, so he allowed the boy to leave.
In the afternoon the manager went to the Cup Semifinal.And whom should he see there but Jimmie, the office boy.
"So this is your uncle's funeral,eh,Jimmie?" he asked.
"Looks like it," the boy replied sadly. "He's the referee."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: -Sir! You have dropp..

-Sir! You have dropped this… Dynamite...
-Oh, thank you.
-What do you have there else?
-Dynamite, nitroglycerin, glycerin, bombs, alarms, detonators and splices. Like this (shows one). To be short, that’s all little stationaries

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Anecdote

-Sir! You have dropped this… Dynamite...
-Oh, thank you.
-What do you have there else?
-Dynamite, nitroglycerin, glycerin, bombs, alarms, detonators and splices. Like this (shows one). To be short, that’s all little stationaries

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: -Sir! You have dropp..

-Sir! You have dropped this… Dynamite...
-Oh, thank you.
-What do you have there else?
-Dynamite, nitroglycerin, glycerin, bombs, alarms, detonators and splices. Like this (shows one). To be short, that’s all little stationaries
Айан Колодезников ученик 8 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия):))))

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Paul: I think my tea..

Paul: I think my teacher loves me!
Tim: Why?
Paul: Because she put kisses all over my homework!
Кисорец Женя ученицы 7 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: One dog comes up to ..

One dog comes up to another dog and says:
-Wow!
-Mew!
-Are you in your senses?
-Yes! I am learning foreign languages!
Мынка Анна ученица 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Son and Dad are goin..

Son and Dad are going to catch fish.
Dad: Have you taken bread?
Son: I have already eaten it.
Dad: Well, then eat worms and go home!
Соктоев Тимур ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: The following was ha..

The following was handed to a teacher by a child returning after an absence:

"Dear Teacher,

Please can you fill in the sick note for my child

My daughter was not at school on.............

This was because (please ask my daughter and delete as appropriate)

a) she had a sore throat
b) she was sick
c) she had diarrhea
d) she had toothache
e) she went to the doctors
f) other reason
Yours sincerely,

Mrs. X."
Канаткалиев Эрдыни ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Teacher: Where's..

Teacher: Where's the Dead Sea?
Child: I didn't even know it was sick.
Пахомова Вероника ученица 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Son asks his mother:..

Son asks his mother:
-Mummy, what is sclerosis?
-What have you asked? – says Mom
-When?
Макодин Илья ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Parent: 'do you ..

Parent: 'do you teach driving?'

Teacher: 'No, I don't.'

Parent: 'Well what's all this about 'motor skills' then?
Серая Саша ученица 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Crocodile Gena and C..

Crocodile Gena and Cheburashka came into the yacht club. And they saw an announcement: “Cheburashkas are categorically forbidden to participate in sailing regatta”.
Богун Александр ученик 5 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Free of charge chees..

Free of charge cheese in the mousetrap is taken out only by the second mouse.
Попкова Оля ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: Children throw a coi..

Children throw a coin
-If a tail of a coin falls out, we shall do to the cinema.
-If a head of a coin falls out, we shal go to the theatre.
-Well, if the rim of a coin falls out, we shall go to school...
Клюева Екатерина ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: At the History lesso..

At the History lesson
The teacher of Russian language says to Petrov:
"I put you a "two" for your telling to Sidorov the answer".
"And I tell the answer to Sveta".
"Then I put you a "four".
Коновал Катя ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: A pupil finished the..

A pupil finished the liceum, came home, threw away the school bag and says:"I am sick and tired to stidy, I won't go to school". The father took his belt and crys while beating his son:"Do you think it's easy to wear a tie?"
Бобровский Глеб ученик 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: The teacher asks at ..

The teacher asks at the biology lesson:
-Why a chicken c\omes out from egg?
-Because he is afraid they will cook from him a fried egg
Юля Суп ученица 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 00:39. Заголовок: A fork falls down fr..

A fork falls down from the table and the father catches it just over the floor and hear the son runs and crys:" Dad aunt Clara is locked in the lift!"
Игорь Сафонов ученик 6 класса МОУ СОШ 23 пгт Айхал Мирнинского района Республики Саха (Якутия)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 09:44. Заголовок: A man is going for ..

A man is going for a walk with a boot on his head. A policeman is stopped him:
- Why are you with the boot on the head, sir?
- I'm always go for a walk with boot on the head on Wednesday!
- Good, but today is Thursday!
- Oh, then I look like a fool!

American tourist is walking with guide around London.
- All you have here is a small, compressed, - he said. - This building, for example,
would have been in America ten times higher.
- Oh, yes, sir! This is a psychiatric clinic.

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:17. Заголовок: Чулкова Анфиса Your ..

Чулкова Анфиса Your joke good

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 12:26. Заголовок: Vita, thank u very m..

Vita, thank u very much ^^ your jokes are very good too

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 10:28. Заголовок: Громова Настя

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

Leper Hockey

Why did the referees stop the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.

Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle thr

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:10. Заголовок: Мазальков Николай, АСОШ №2

-You are now?
-Excuse me! What you said?
-You are now?
-Excuse me, I why don't! I'm listening to,, Michael Jackson,,!
-Will you go with me to speak on the phone?
-What you said?
-Good grief!

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:29. Заголовок: Семёнов Максим

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now…"

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:42. Заголовок: рузова мария

Hans herkam nach Haus erfreulicher nach Schule. Junge besprach Vater: "vater, ich eins in Schule antwortete auf Frage des Lehrers"!vater abfragte: "Und welch aber Frage aufgab Lehrerin"? Hans: "Wer zerschmetterte Fenster in Klasse"?

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:49. Заголовок: рузова маша

Absent-minded uncle
my uncle very much absent-minded man. Once he came home from work early, knew that he wanted что- that to do, but could not remember that. So he sat this side of midnight, trying to remember. and nevertheless He remembered.. wanted to
lie down to sleep a bit early!

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 11:59. Заголовок: THE PROUD FATHER A y..

THE PROUD FATHER
A young father was very proud of his little son. He was telling a visitor how the little boy, not two years old, knew the different animals in his picture book. He is going to be a great scientist! Here, let me show you. And the proud father took a book about animals from the book-shelf, placed Bobby on a chair, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe.
«What is that, Bobby?»
«Horsey», said Bobby.
Next he showed the little boy a tiger and Bobby said, «Pussy. »
Then the father showed him a picture of lion and Bobby said, «Doggy.»
But when the little boy saw the picture of a big monkey, he cried happily, «Daddy.»

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 12:27. Заголовок: :sm54: ..

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 12:53. Заголовок: It is my favorite jo..

It is my favorite joke...^-^
C u s t o m e r.-"I hear my son has owed you for a suit for three years."
T a i 1 o r.-"Yes, sir. Have you called to settle the account?"
C u s t o m e r.-"No, I'd like a suit myself on the same terms."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:01. Заголовок: :sm67: http://s002..

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:13. Заголовок: Ksyusha, you're ..

Ksyusha, you're the best!
Pictures-super!

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 11:15. Заголовок: Анчишкина =***....I ..

Анчишкина =***....And I love you too...^-^

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:21. Заголовок: Keisi Very very fine..

Keisi Very very fine

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 11:16. Заголовок: Vita Thanks...^-^..

Vita Thanks...^-^

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:03. Заголовок: Jokes

Мусалиомова Наиля, 7 класс, гимназия №1 имени Ризы фахретдина

Letter from the child sport camp:
Dear parents,
I live well. Yesterday we had a competition in boxing. Toothbrush, toothpaste and other unnecessary items are being sent home.

Coid: It's true that carrots are good for vision, isn't it?
Fred: Well, I've never seen a rabbit wearing glasses.

Keep fit and healthy

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:40. Заголовок: Jokes

Галимов Данир, 7 класс, гимназия №1 имени Ризы Фахретдина

The world's best Scottish joker.

A little Scottish boy burst into the house and said to the father, "Daddy, Daddy, I ran home behind the bus and saved ten pence."
His father replied, "You could have done better son. You could have run home behind the taxi and saved fifty."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:46. Заголовок: Анчишкина,Александра,Многопрофильный лицей ЗабГГПУ,Чита.

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
This anecdote I learned from one another. I laughed for a long time!
I am not the author of this joke, but to me it seemed ridiculous, and I decided to write it! )))

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:49. Заголовок: Анчишкина,Александра,Многопрофильный лицей ЗабГГПУ,Чита.

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
What do I do?

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 13:51. Заголовок: Jokes

Мусалимова Наиля, 7 класс, гимназия № 1 имени Ризы Фахретдина

The first price.

A London magazine once organized a competition to discover the most loved painting in the Tate Gallery. Contestants were asked to answer the following question: If the Tate galery were in fire and you were allowed to save painting which one would it be?
First prize went to Scotsman, who answered, "The one nearest the door."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:02. Заголовок: Bill Gates picks his..

Bill Gates picks his own punishment

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:59. Заголовок: Stasya ahah!! :sm38:..

Stasya ahah!! cool joike

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:10. Заголовок: Hi all... Vita very ..

Hi all...
Vita very nice joke
Mango Mango very nice Nickname, and now my joke)
Say Partner
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:19. Заголовок: lamaq1 Your joke is ..

lamaq1 Your joke is very good


---------------------------
Переводи прямо с мобильного:
http://m.translate.ru

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 14:30. Заголовок: like this))lol ..

like this))lol

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:12. Заголовок: All Joke very cool) ..

All Joke very cool)

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 14:45. Заголовок: Very funny jokes! :..

Very funny jokes!

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 16:49. Заголовок: The blonde rides in ..

The blonde rides in the car. The phone call. She searches, searches phone and can not find. Thinks - probably, forgot at home.

Two men talking in the hospital
- What are you doing here?
- I brought my children.
- What happened?
- We played chess on flicks: one has broken a finger, another has concussion.

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:04. Заголовок: Куликова Яна, Лицей ЗабГГПУ им.Чернышевского, город Чита

Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:21. Заголовок: Hello! I want to tel..

Hello! I want to tell you anecdote.
The family of British Lords son.He graw up, but not talking. Several years have passed. Parents are accustomed to, that the child is silent.
But one day at breakfast the young lord said:
-Porridge is not salty!
All happy!
-Hurray! The Lord God heard our prayers, the son said!!!
Parients are turning to son:
-Sir, you know how to speak?
-Yes!
-Why are you silent for so many years?
-.........Comments were!!!

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 18:36. Заголовок: That's my joke....

That's my joke...

-'where can u see divorce before marriage?'-asked one boy
-'' i didn't see it...where?''

.........
-''in dictionary!''


It was really very funny!!)) haha)

and one more...


One friend to another, "My new horse is very well-mannered".
"That's nice".
"Yes, isn't it? Every time we come to a jump he stops and lets me go first!"

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 19:04. Заголовок: One day on man was h..

One day on man was having breakfast in a English hotel. He took a drink from his cup and then said to the waiter, "Waiter, is this tea or coffee?" The waiter said, "Can't you tell the difference, sir, by the taste?" "No,"the man said, "Ican't." "well," answered the waiter, "If you can't tell the difference, what does it matter wich it is?"

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 20:33. Заголовок: КриSтюша Der Klassen..

КриSтюша Der Klassenscherz!!!!

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 20:43. Заголовок: САМАЯ ИНОСТРАННАЯ ШУТКА

Dear paticipants!

I appreciate your humour very much, which has many forms, sometimes even sarcastic. That means you've got cute mind, are smart, energetic and optimistic. The winners will be announced on January 27th. You are welcome at Eidos Party!

Best regards,
Plotnikova Natalia Ivanovna
Contest Coordinator

Уважаемые участники! Спасибо за ваш юмор, который проявился во многих формах, иногда даже саркастических. Это означает, что вы остроумны, энергичны и оптимисты. Победители будут объявлены 27 января. Добро пожаловать на Eidos Party!

С уважением,
Плотникова Наталья Ивановна
Координатор конкурса

 Отправлено: 26.01.10 22:35. Заголовок: Дмитрий Соломатин г. Батайск школа №7

Es kommt der Mann am 1. Januar ins Geschäft und sagt
- Und bei Ihnen das Brot die Frischen? Und die Verkäuferin antwortet ihm
- Gibt es der Pfannkuchen vorjährig.

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 11:41. Заголовок: This is a joke I lik..

This is a joke I like very much.
"Father: I say, John, what have you learnt at college?
Son: Oh, many things. I've studied logic, too.
Father: Logic? What is that?
Son: Well, I can give you a demonstration,
Father: That will be very good of you.
Son: How many chickens are there on that dish, Father?
Father: Two.
Son: Well, I can prove there are three. This is one, isn't it?
Father: Yes.
Son: And this is two. Well, one and two make three, don't they? That's what logic is.
Father: Oh, you really have learnt things at college. Well, Mother, you have one of the chickens, I'll take the second, and John can have the third. How is that, John? As you make your bed, so you must lie on it."

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 12:05. Заголовок: Толокушкина Саша

Hello!
In the train.
It was summer, when a young girl in a pretty dress quickly entered a compartment of a train and sat down. At the same moment the train began to move. In the compartment there was only a young man, who was sitting on the other side opposite her.
The young man said: «Excuse me, miss, but»
If you speak to me again, I ll give the alarm and stop the train,
Said the girl quickly.
The young man did not say anything more. When the train was coming up to the station, he stood up and said:
I tried to tell you that you were sitting on my paper bag of strawberries. But you did not want to listen so now your dress is ruines.

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 13:17. Заголовок: Many Russian people ..

Many Russian people live abroad. They work, but sometimes they misunderstand foreigners.
An Englishman comes to the ticket office:
-Two tickets to Dublin.
The cashier answers:
-Куда, блин?

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 15:01. Заголовок: I like this joke))) ..

like this joke))) I don't mind all details))

A man went into a cafe in a high rise.
He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out.
He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more.
Finally the man asked if he could have a pill.
The flier said it was his last one.
The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars.
The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the his table.
The man took the pill, took a water, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death.
The bartender walked over to the flier at the table and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean, Superman."

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 16:13. Заголовок: Samy Very much it w..

Samy Very much it was pleasant to me)

 Отправлено: 27.01.10 16:44. Заголовок: Vita ^__^))) xoxo**..

Vita ^__^))) xoxo**

 Отправлено: 27.10.10 23:51. Заголовок: My jokе is a physica..

My jokе is a physical one :)

An electron walks into a bar. They bartender asks him what's up. The electron says "My wife just left me. She took the kids. I just want to die." The Bartender then says: "Stop being so negative."
Электрон заходит в бар. Бармен спрашивает как дела, электрон начинает жаловаться на жизнь: "Меня бросила жена и забрала детей, я хочу умереть". Бармен ему советует: "Прекрати быть таким отрицательным!"

 Отправлено: 20.09.11 08:03. Заголовок: I don't understa..

I don't understand one joke. Can you explain me it?
"What one mathematic book said to another?
- I've got a problem"

 Отправлено: 20.09.11 08:04. Заголовок: I don't understa..

I don't understand one joke. Can you explain me it?
"What one mathematic book said to another?
- I've got a problem"